"The Start"

The start, of anything; is an awesome, powerful, exciting, and terrifying place to be.

The start signifies a point in our lives where the forward movement begins. It is the point where our desires, our dreams, our passions are on the precipice of becoming whole and real. We have planned and questioned and thought and prayed. And now, we are ready to take that next step, and we start.

The start is forward movement. It has to be. We can spend much of our valuable time in stillness. Standing still can be the best move you can make.......for a while. Stillness is good, it allows one to reflect. Looking back on experiences, good and bad, then taking the time to embody how this has affected one's soul, is good....for a while. Why am I here at this place in my life, how do I feel about it right now? Listen closely, what does my heart and my soul say about this place, about thinking to start. Deep down inside, what is my desire, what do I need to start? Who or what do I need to put to the side to start?

Stillness can be hypnotic and deceivingly comfortable. But it can also blow the light out in the lamp of your soul. The start is uncomfortable and startling, it is exciting and scary, but this is the kindling that feeds the fire with in our souls. The fire that moves our heart into action.

So we will feed that fire and we will move forward, at the start. The beginning of a dream, of a life, of the realization of a desire so deep that stillness cannot keep it contained.

It's not easy, it's harder than you may think. Forever now, you have had a dream, a desire that has burned within you. It makes you feel alive and real. You know in your core that this is the dream that is yours and yours alone. You plan and research and read the road maps to your destination, and you're ready. Well that is, until you are at the start. The start of that journey is where you come face to face with your self. No one can take this step for you, and you can't take this step for any one BUT you. Even as you start, you may be looking back, wondering if this is right. But, remember that flame. The flame that moves your heart into action.

It's not easy coming to the start. Many will listen to those who are also standing at the start but don't move forward. Many will and do turn and run away. They return to stillness. It's comfortable, but inside, that flame burns a little less brightly. Some of the fuel has been taken away. They may be the nay sayers, those who you see as better than you, those who are supposed to know better. But what they all don't know is you and your dreams, that is your power, your fuel. Don't let them take away your fire.

You are your best friend, you are your best champion. Nothing any one says to you or about you is as true as the voice that comes from your own loving soul. Being this way isn't selfish or self centered, it's self reliant, and self radiant. It's self aware, and self loving. You would do anything for those that you love. You would stand there at the start with them and cheer them to success at the top of your voice. Why not cheer yourself on with that same gusto?

You will be at the start infinite times in your life. The feeling will always be the same. It is an awesome, powerful, exciting, and terrifying place to be. The good news is this, every time you are at the start, from this day forward, you will be more self reliant and self radiant than you were the time before. You will gain perspective and wisdom, you will feed your fire with awesome fuel and fan your flames with success and self love. Many times you will start, many times, you will succeed. Oh yes, to be sure, there will be times when you return to stillness, to that comfort and safety. But now, stillness will be a harbor along your journey, a place to drop anchor for just a bit, and take stock in your heart and soul. It will be a place to plan and to dream again, to reconnect with your inner most love and desire. You know you will start again, it is as sure as a sun rise. You may start in a different direction, you may start and go back. Either way, the start is moving forward.......................it has to be.

"Listen To Your Heart"

Such a simple statement, yet so darn hard to do. I have thought about this long and hard lately. Seems to me that turning 50 has made me quite the soul spelunker. What do I want to do with the second part of my life, knowing that this is the time for opportunity; is she knocking? Can't say that I would even hear her if she did.

I think, in order to listen to the whispers of your heart, you need to quiet the noise in ones' head. There is so much talk, discussion, arguing, cajoling, bargaining, yelling, and on and on, pick your adverb. And, yes this is all going on my head, yours too? Geez, no wonder we can't hear opportunity. She would need a sledge hammer to break through the din of all that.

So, what to do? Well, first off I am learning to meditate. Sounds simple, but again, so darn hard to do. Shutting up my brain is quite the feat. I am really loud!!! But, none the less, I continue. I sit quietly and use the visual of a golden yarn woven from words of strength, love, and good intentions. That yarn will wrap around any bad thoughts, feelings, or misguided pathways. The warmth from the glow will turn the ick into the fuel that feeds the golden ball of yarn. From there during my day, if I feel icky sneak up on me, I just close my eyes and see that golden ball of yarn. So far, it is working.

Then I find with that peace, I can work on forgiving me for being human and expecting too much. After all, I can only do so much and sometimes my alter ego.........hummm, I think I will call her "Icky", gets the better of me. I can be the most positive person in the world when helping others heal and come to love themselves, but gosh it is hard to heal my own soul. Go figure..........

I want the simpler existence, I want peace and calm, I don't want to worry about money, or work, or how I will pay the bills next month. Time and time again, it always works out, and the worry has just served to occupy my time in ways that don't serve me or my soul. Still, I find it hard to stay in the simpler existence. Still, I find that "Icky" is standing there in front of me, beckoning me to come with her down that path of crap that I am so familiar with.

Sigh................I do know one thing that is for certain!!! I KNOW without a doubt what my heart wants, and I KNOW without a doubt, that I will arrive there some day. The path is yet to be cleared, there is much under brush and thorny branches. But, every minute and every day that I can find my inner peace and work my own personal magic on my soul, is a minute and a day closer to my heart's desire. And, I KNOW that I can hear opportunity as she knocks. It's "Icky" that causes me not to answer at times, but I do, on occasion push past her. It feels so good to answer, and I want to answer more..........And I will.........

"Opportunity Knocks - How Will You Answer"

Tomorrow, like any other, is a gift. But tomorrow's gift is rare as it only comes around every 4 yrs. Tomorrow, we have the opportunity to have an extra day in this year 2012. How are you going to use your "gift" tomorrow?

This year 2012, foretold to be the year of great change. I like to believe that this change will be for the better, although, a glance at the news will make you tend to think otherwise. We try to find the subtle good that is in this world but the ugly keeps shouting at us. The opportunity for change is here, it lies with us, with in us. We must concentrate our energy and our time to making this world a better place, one day at a time, one "gift" at a time.

So, tomorrow, do a good deed, give of yourself, help a stranger, lend a helping hand, do a random act of kindness, speak only kind, soft words, pay it forward. Tomorrow, like any other, is a gift, but this one is especially precious. This is your opportunity, knocking quietly....how will you answer?

"Digging Out"

I guess that's what I'm calling it, what I have been up to lately. My usual upbeat, bright sided, and all in all, not bad existence was in a bit of a shambles for a while. Nothing earth shattering, or even bad, just life as it turns. For quite a while, life was pretty good, it was on the upswing as one would say. Then, as is the yin and yan of the rhythm of time, the crest of the wave broke and dumped me in the deep end.

As I sat there, wet and worried, I tried to take a step back and "call this something". Mainly thought it would help me cope, put a name on it, a white sticky backed tag with a felt pen name sloppily scrawled on it. Slap it on, right there. Then, it can stand in front of me, instead of live within me. "Digging Out"

It started with just a hiccup or two, small nuisances that came into my day. The norm felt like a pair of hose, just a half size too small. Just wasn't comfortable, didn't quite fit. As time went on, the rhythm started to stilt, the small things became many. It seemed like my cup was filled with ick and many things that gave me pleasure, were now causing me to fret and worry, be agitated and unsettled. What once was stable, was now muck and myer. I started to sink in this muck, down deeper, and darker.

When one finds oneself in this mucky mess, it is easy to be selfish, introverted, and not happy at all. I was there. I was selfish and I'm not sure if it was good or bad. Some of what irriated me needed to be dealt with, I needed to take charge of the part that was driving at me and pushing me off center. In that case selfish is good, cathartic, it gave me strength. I needed what I needed. But then selfish also meant I was closing off a part of me that should have stayed open to my life and those in it. This, my friend is not good. It causes blindness and a tunnel vision that can be very lonely.

I thank my wisdom and the time I have learned because these gifts were the branch on which I held to as I sank into the muck of selfish and frustrated and just not happy at all. That little light again.............All it took was a change of perspective. I wanted what was up there, above the muck and the myer. I wanted the light, the wonderful freedom that just plain being happy brings. So, I started digging out........

Shovel by shovel, each load a reminder of how wonderful my life is. Dig, dig, my amazing girls who have grown into amazing women. Dig, dig, my soulmate who would do anything for me. Dig dig, my ability to draw, to write, to play music, to dance, to make others laugh and smile. Each load revealing my light and my worth.

Now, I am finally dug out...........freedom.............Sigh, I know that I may end up around this way again. Life is like that. But, I will remember to grab that branch of wisdom and knowlege and hang on as I dig out once again. It's the yin and yan of life, and, it's OK.............

Sorry I've been away so long...........how are you?

I hope this finds you well in the pivotal year 2012. This is the year of cosmic and somatic change in the world. There is a vibration starting, a good one. If you sit quietly and close your eyes, breath deep, and sense, you will feel it. How wonderful.......We've taken alot from this Mother Earth, it is time to give something back. Give of yourself and your gifts, give to others, pay it forward, do good deeds, smile, sing, dance, pray, love, live in patience and compassion......live for the good of it all..........

I have been creating and cocooning over the past months. Taking some time to heal, adjust, and find prospective again. Some of you may know that I have published my blog as a book, creating the pictures from my mind into color, binding the words and thoughts into something to be held close and pondered.

Now, my blog takes an enigmatic turn, as is in life, another corner. Ahhh....what will lie, just beyond the next bend in the road.   I find that I have many intriging thoughts that seem to move through me. I will use this place to gather them together and share with you. I am so happy to be moved to write here again, so glad you are back...........let's travel together................

"The Cold Cream Conundrum"

The other day, my youngest stopped in to pay me a visit. It's always wonderful when the kids drop by. Today, though, it turned into a visit that sparked a deep soul search within me.

When my daughter dropped in, I was in the middle of an exhaustive search for the most definitive comparison of eye cream that I could find. You see, earlier that day, I would be found standing in the middle of the face cream isle at our local WalMart. I was reading label after label of foreign sounding ingredients and well worded promises to make me look like I had just sipped from the proverbial Fountain of Youth. Some products were reasonably priced, some others, seriously, how much does one need to spend for eternal youth and beauty!! Of course in my mind, if it doesn't cost as much as the national debt, then, it must not work, right? Recently, I had actually tried a fancy prescription face cream recommended by a dermatologist co worker. Well, I can say that I felt it did tighten up the saggy jowls a bit. The bags under the eyes weren't quite so, and it did seem that those pesky crow's feet and frown lines were a little less noticeable. But then, I went to the pharmacy to inquire about the cost. Now there's some shocking news!! Really, I now know how much one needs to spend for eternal youth and beauty. WOW!!

So, back to my visit with my daughter and the definitive comparison search on the old eye cream. After listening to me krutz and complain for a while, my daughter finally said, “Mom, you spend so much of your time writing about the joys of getting older and how great it is. Isn't this kind of against what you stand for?” Kids these days, really the insolence of the lot of them!! But then again, “out of the mouths of babes” it came. My youngest has always been my best mirror. She is one who will call a spade a spade. She doesn't let me run away from my self too often. And, in this instance, she had me completely boxed in.

So, what is it about all of this that is so unnerving? Why do we feel like we have to cream, needle, stretch and sew our true selves away? Why can't we look in the mirror everyday and rejoice in the wisdom and beauty that life's artistry has bestowed upon us? I remember a few years back, when I was in training for a mind body exercise program I teach. There was a woman in my class, Dotty. She was the quintessential earth mother. She was older than the rest of us by more than a bit. She had long silver hair, her face bore the markings of a life well lived. She made no excuses for her thoughts, her style, her self. She was an intuitive healer. In the week I spent with her, she gave each of us girls what we needed, when we needed it. She nursed us all that week, with the grace and knowledge that only her living could teach. She was so at ease and comfortable with her self, it was magnificent. I remember during one point in our training, we were to move to the music's calling. I looked at her, but she wasn't moving at all. Instead, she stood still, eyes closed, head tipped up, hands raised, the music called to her to rejoice in it, to worship it. By not moving, she moved in ways so ethereal and magical it cannot be put into words. This, my friends, only comes from living, and the acceptance of it. Glory to life in all of it's splendor. Even now, this image is so powerful to me.

So, back to my daughter's question, it's a hard one to answer. Yes, putting ridiculously priced beauty products on my face to try to turn back the hands of time is against what I stand for. But, what is so scary about letting all this be? My hubby says, I don't need these things. Bless his loving heart (course it could be his way of telling me that I should spend my money on more sound investments too). Either way, it's common sense. But common sense doesn't make one feel more secure about themselves in a world that is ruled by youth and beauty.

Oh that could be a whole other story........It's scary to know that you are getting older, showing older, feeling older. But, as I have mentioned, we don't get older, we “season to perfection”. So, maybe, instead of looking in the mirror and seeing the frown lines, the crapey skin, the bags under my eyes, I should see, the laugh lines from years of joy and smiles, the face that has changed to become more and more like my mother's (she is a very pretty woman, as she enters her 78^th year), the bags under the eyes, well they are there because of late nights with my girls, snuggling and rocking them to sleep in the wee hours, they are there because of sitting up late and talking with my beloved because we enjoy each others company and comfort, not wanting to say good night. The reflection in the mirror is my story written right there in front of my eyes. I will choose to honor my story............

Now, will I never buy fancy beauty products, or will I never dye my hair again? That remains to be seen. I know now that I am not willing to spend a small fortune to turn back the hands of time, and I'm OK with that. I will buy my usual product, it works well enough, and it will suffice. I do buy a box of hair color every 6 weeks or so. It's a tiny investment in my vanity to be sure.

It's scary to grow old in this world, but, I am brave, and I am so much more than what is on the surface. A little fluffing of the feathers with a healthy dose of common sense and self love isn't a bad thing. So, in keeping with “seasoning to perfection”, we all can add a little flavor of our choosing from time to time. In the end, we will be delicious. Just remember, too much flavor, and the result can be a loss of the true original recipe.....

"One Heart, One Mind, Many Souls........And a Rumble"

Today I had the honor of observing the coming together of souls of different minds and unique outlooks. There were opinions, beliefs, and convictions from many view points. There was talk of God, of those departed, of hope and of healing. There were welcoming wishes and thanks of participation in the event that we were attending.

Now this was not a huge event per say, not in the sense of sheer numbers. But, I am sure to the one organizing it, it was monumental, and he did an amazing job. I heard one person quip at the pre ride event, “a motorcycle rally to raise funds for a Christian memorial? Hummmm, not sure about that one”.

Yes this was a motorcycle rally. We came together to raise money in memory of a chaplain who was killed in active duty. We came together to honor his legacy, to support his wife and children, to supply those in active duty, and to start a scholarship for future students who receive the gift of this calling. And, it was the chancellor of the university who mentioned, with a chuckle, that he was a bit skeptical. And, who wouldn't be, we were quite the lot.

As I mentioned earlier, there were souls of many dimensions here. Take my hubby and my self. We consider ourselves christian people. We don't go to church but we do try to conduct our lives with love and openness, live and let live, give a helping hand to those who need it, don't judge others as we have our quirks too. There were many there who had strong convictions and beliefs in their greater power. And, while there wasn't much talk directly about the subject of Christianity and religion, the feeling of oneness with all of us was so strong it was palpable.

After a short prayer for our safety, we all suited up and got ready to ride. This was the first ride for this annual fundraiser, so of course, a picture was in order. After that, it was a police escort out of the parking lot and away we went. There is no way you cannot be moved by the sound of rolling thunder and the look of bike after shiny bike cruising by you. Many cars that were stopped had their arms out the windows with their hands in the air. For this moment everyone, regardless of why or how or who, was united.

Maybe not for our cause, but that didn't matter, it was the joining of souls for a moment, all enjoying the spectacle, all being able to relate to the same wonder. This is the magic of coming together. In this moment, you could feel the calm and the security of the universe being in balance, at least in our corner of it.........

I have always enjoyed sharing of thoughts and beliefs and I have had the profound honor of talking with many regarding theirs. And, for the most part, these conversations have been easy and laid back. Oh, every so often I meet someone who is hell bent to change my mind. I take a deep breath and bless them in my own way for their convictions. Even these trading of thoughts are an important learning time.

Religions aside, I am struck by the similarities of groups coming together for the greater good, whatever that good may be. There are the international groups such as the Red Cross, or there is the corner lemonade stand that is being run by an entrepreneurial child wanting to raise money for a most worthy cause. And, trust me, when a child is running a lemonade stand, and you are riding a motorcycle, its an unwritten rule that you must stop and support their cause. Plus, hey how cool is it to have a biker stop for a sip of lemonade at your stand!!! Wow!!! It doesn't matter what the cause or how many are involved in the process, all that matters is that we humans are concentrating our efforts toward making our corner of the world a better place. As we rode the route put forth by our ride organizer, from my vantage point atop the back seat of our Harley, I couldn't help but be awestruck by the incredible beauty around me. Yes we had ridden many of these roads before, but what was different is we were traveling it with our brothers and sisters all toward a common goal. One heart, one mind, many souls.........and a rumble!!

I sometimes worry about the world. It's ugly out there!! So much tragedy, and natural disaster, and humans who have lost touch with any form of genteel reality. One can't help thinking that any day now, we are going to implode, and for the most part, we as a human race, have asked for it. But then today, as I rode through the countryside, I realize that there is hope for us. Our small

little band of brothers and sisters, riding in concert for our cause, are on any given day, joined by many other spirits, all giving for their greater good. The ugly shouts at us, from our televisions, from the newspapers, from our radios, but if we sit still on a quiet evening, we can sense the hum of our unified souls, all working as one to pull this tired, old world back together again.

This too is palpable. Now what we need to do is to tap into that hum and make it grow to a glorifying anthem of unity and hope.

It doesn't matter what cause you support, and it doesn't matter who your higher power is, but what does matter is that you go out and share your passion and your cause and bring other souls together for the greater good. The more positive emotion we have in this world, the better off we will be in the future. The time to turn our world around is now, and it will take all of us to do it. Ride, march, swim, run, sing, jump, dance, pray, sit together in the park and meditate. Be a group of one heart, one mind, many souls. Feel the power of the whole as you come together for a common cause. Whatever you choose, add your cords to the anthem of our world......make your own happy noise, you don't have to ride a motorcycle to make a rumble..................