"Listen To Your Heart"

Such a simple statement, yet so darn hard to do. I have thought about this long and hard lately. Seems to me that turning 50 has made me quite the soul spelunker. What do I want to do with the second part of my life, knowing that this is the time for opportunity; is she knocking? Can't say that I would even hear her if she did.

I think, in order to listen to the whispers of your heart, you need to quiet the noise in ones' head. There is so much talk, discussion, arguing, cajoling, bargaining, yelling, and on and on, pick your adverb. And, yes this is all going on my head, yours too? Geez, no wonder we can't hear opportunity. She would need a sledge hammer to break through the din of all that.

So, what to do? Well, first off I am learning to meditate. Sounds simple, but again, so darn hard to do. Shutting up my brain is quite the feat. I am really loud!!! But, none the less, I continue. I sit quietly and use the visual of a golden yarn woven from words of strength, love, and good intentions. That yarn will wrap around any bad thoughts, feelings, or misguided pathways. The warmth from the glow will turn the ick into the fuel that feeds the golden ball of yarn. From there during my day, if I feel icky sneak up on me, I just close my eyes and see that golden ball of yarn. So far, it is working.

Then I find with that peace, I can work on forgiving me for being human and expecting too much. After all, I can only do so much and sometimes my alter ego.........hummm, I think I will call her "Icky", gets the better of me. I can be the most positive person in the world when helping others heal and come to love themselves, but gosh it is hard to heal my own soul. Go figure..........

I want the simpler existence, I want peace and calm, I don't want to worry about money, or work, or how I will pay the bills next month. Time and time again, it always works out, and the worry has just served to occupy my time in ways that don't serve me or my soul. Still, I find it hard to stay in the simpler existence. Still, I find that "Icky" is standing there in front of me, beckoning me to come with her down that path of crap that I am so familiar with.

Sigh................I do know one thing that is for certain!!! I KNOW without a doubt what my heart wants, and I KNOW without a doubt, that I will arrive there some day. The path is yet to be cleared, there is much under brush and thorny branches. But, every minute and every day that I can find my inner peace and work my own personal magic on my soul, is a minute and a day closer to my heart's desire. And, I KNOW that I can hear opportunity as she knocks. It's "Icky" that causes me not to answer at times, but I do, on occasion push past her. It feels so good to answer, and I want to answer more..........And I will.........