I was on my way home from a wonderful visit with my little sis, my mom, and my niece and nephew. Since life lived finds us with about 800 miles of earth between us, we have found a half way point that offers fun things to do and a comfy place to stay to spend some time together. As I was traveling back toward my corner of the world, my youngest daughter was traveling toward her big sis for a visit. Again, these sisters find that life lived has also created an earth span of about 800 miles between them too. I wonder if they feel as I do........................
Well, having nothing much to do but sit and steer, I had time to let my mind wander. It wandered back in time, thinking about me and my little sister and how life and growing up is a winding road full of laughter, love, and the occasional bout of sibling turmoil. I tried to think back to my very first recollections of me and my sis. I remember back when she was young and we shared a bedroom together. I remember the toy and teddy bear tea parties and the fights over which side of the bedroom was whose. I remember one such argument ended up with my sis having to go to the emergency room to get a few stitches in her head. Well.......she was teasing me, and I chased her, and I can't help it if she is clumsy on her feet. Not like me, I was graceful. (or so I thought) I was also scared of what my mom and dad were going to do to me when they got home, not to mention afraid for my sister too. Oh, then you promise yourself that you will try to love your sister more, even IF she hogs your side of the bedroom. But, alas, the promise doesn't last very long, and you're at it again. Growing up together is a bittersweet journey. Some of it is fraught with squabbles, crabbing, jealousy, competitiveness. But much more of it is sharing, loving, and a lot of giggling. I smile as I drive on..............
Now, in my minds eye, we are older, I'm married and she is here to visit. The visits are such fun, and yet, they reveal something strange. I am living far away now, and because of that, I don't see the gradual growing and blossoming of my dear little sis. When I left, she was this “irritating but can't help love her” kinda kid. When did she grow up? Heck, our single male friends even want to meet her, maybe take her to dinner. Really!! My little sister, no way, she's not old enough for that. Huh?.......... She has gone to school, is in her first career, working for a living. She has an opinion and some life experience to back it up. WOW!! I'm having babies, and she, playing the confident and fun Auntie steps in to help out when and where she can. Whether it be back home, over the phone as I struggle with the responsibilities and fears of new motherhood, or in person changing diapers and cuddling babies so I could get some much needed sleep, my little sister is slowly evolving into a close friend that I can't do without. Not that I couldn't do without her before, she was always important in my life. But, having children of your own to share with your sister, well that brings a whole new dimension to it all. The second generation, as it were, seems to change the dynamic of the first. I think even my sister, as she watched me become a mother and stumble my way through this time in my life, developed a sense of pride in her big sis. Not that she didn't have that before, but motherhood makes it different. It's that second generation thing again. I know that I feel a sense of pride so profound as I watched her become a mother and confidently raise my niece and nephew. The part that I am truly humbled by is that my little sister, not only is an awesome mother, but she has completed schooling and learning to develop a most impressive portfolio and has progressed herself into a career that is beyond words, all while being a loving mom and caring sister.
Now at times my pride has been a bit tainted by the green eyes of jealousy I have to admit. My little sister is an amazing woman. When I look down her life path, what I see makes me feel very proud and also a bit inadequate. Siblings measurement of each other is as old as Cain and Abel. Some siblings take pleasure in these differences and flaunt them to the other, parading one's success. Not my sister!! She is the most giving of her success than anyone I know. Having only completed high school, my earning power is a bit, well, standard. But to my sis, I am the richest woman who ever walked. She sees my worth in ways that I can't and reminds me of my treasures often. She champions my dreams and my life. I can have some of the most hare brained ideas to the rest of the world, but to my sis, I am a genius!! Some people think that I have fallen off my rocker and have lost touch with life, to my sis, I am a wise visionary. She supports my unconditional love of dogs, my desire for incense and long skirts, my tree hugging, my spirit searches, and all my ethereal ways. We tease that we are the proverbial city mouse and country mouse. I'm a little bit country and she is a little bit “New York minute”. When we shop, I sit and kindheartedly roll my eyes while we are in her stores, and she while we are in mine. But still, I can always find something in hers that is so “me” and she can in mine. It's the yin and yang of it all, different but the same, open to embracing and loving the difference in each other. It seems to me that this last visit, more than any, has made me realize how wonderful the love between we two sisters really is. She will do anything for me and my dreams, and I would do the same for hers.
I need gas and to get out to stretch, fuel up the car; maybe get a snack. Still my thoughts of my sister and the time we had just spent are in the forefront of my mind and again I smile.
Back on the road, back to my journey down memory lane..........
My sis and I, we have traveled down some similar roads to be sure. Both married, both divorced, both married again. Both have had some not so pleasurable relationships where without each other, we wouldn't have found the personal strength to get through. Both now have loving spouses, stable careers, wonderful children, and a life that we each call our own. We have each had to build this life pretty much as a singular body, but always with the love and support from the other. Thank the heavens above for modern technology!!! What with phones, computers, texting and the like, the 800 miles of earth between us doesn't feel quite so daunting as it used too. As we have aged and grown closer, technology has kept up with our relationship. Being able to pick up the phone to hear her voice as I share my triumphs and tragedies and being able to be on the other end of that phone when she needed me for support or cheer; has been a Godsend. Every day at my job, receiving an email from my sis instantly brightens my day. At any given point in time I can look at my cell phone and there is a quick text and maybe a picture to make me smile. We are connected by the techno of it all. For that I am glad. Still, its not the same as being together in person. There have been times that the phone just wasn't close enough, and if there was a magic to make us transport ourselves to each others side, we'd have used it.........
I think of my two girls and wonder if they feel the same way. Their relationship has always had the technology with it. Still, I wager a guess that they also feel the tug of a heart string when they chat on the phone and wish that it could be over coffee, sitting across from the other. I wonder, as they grow into their lives, how they will learn to create the time and space of sisterly togetherness. I feel a bit sad for them, as I do myself at times. No matter how much you talk, text, or email, you still miss being here.
The times of “here” are few and far between. Before we part, we always start planning our next meeting. Spare change goes into a special piggy bank, a date on the calendar is marked, travel plans are made. It gets us through.
They say that the world is connected by invisible threads. These threads are the connections of love. Many different threads, many different kinds love. But, the threads of love between sisters is one of the strongest that are ever created. It holds our memories suspended until we can be together and begin again.........................................
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