"Digging Out"

I guess that's what I'm calling it, what I have been up to lately. My usual upbeat, bright sided, and all in all, not bad existence was in a bit of a shambles for a while. Nothing earth shattering, or even bad, just life as it turns. For quite a while, life was pretty good, it was on the upswing as one would say. Then, as is the yin and yan of the rhythm of time, the crest of the wave broke and dumped me in the deep end.

As I sat there, wet and worried, I tried to take a step back and "call this something". Mainly thought it would help me cope, put a name on it, a white sticky backed tag with a felt pen name sloppily scrawled on it. Slap it on, right there. Then, it can stand in front of me, instead of live within me. "Digging Out"

It started with just a hiccup or two, small nuisances that came into my day. The norm felt like a pair of hose, just a half size too small. Just wasn't comfortable, didn't quite fit. As time went on, the rhythm started to stilt, the small things became many. It seemed like my cup was filled with ick and many things that gave me pleasure, were now causing me to fret and worry, be agitated and unsettled. What once was stable, was now muck and myer. I started to sink in this muck, down deeper, and darker.

When one finds oneself in this mucky mess, it is easy to be selfish, introverted, and not happy at all. I was there. I was selfish and I'm not sure if it was good or bad. Some of what irriated me needed to be dealt with, I needed to take charge of the part that was driving at me and pushing me off center. In that case selfish is good, cathartic, it gave me strength. I needed what I needed. But then selfish also meant I was closing off a part of me that should have stayed open to my life and those in it. This, my friend is not good. It causes blindness and a tunnel vision that can be very lonely.

I thank my wisdom and the time I have learned because these gifts were the branch on which I held to as I sank into the muck of selfish and frustrated and just not happy at all. That little light again.............All it took was a change of perspective. I wanted what was up there, above the muck and the myer. I wanted the light, the wonderful freedom that just plain being happy brings. So, I started digging out........

Shovel by shovel, each load a reminder of how wonderful my life is. Dig, dig, my amazing girls who have grown into amazing women. Dig, dig, my soulmate who would do anything for me. Dig dig, my ability to draw, to write, to play music, to dance, to make others laugh and smile. Each load revealing my light and my worth.

Now, I am finally dug out...........freedom.............Sigh, I know that I may end up around this way again. Life is like that. But, I will remember to grab that branch of wisdom and knowlege and hang on as I dig out once again. It's the yin and yan of life, and, it's OK.............