"Memories"

Do you ever get those days when it feels like you are walking through a long forgotten time? You will hear a song on the radio or you will see an article of clothing while you are shopping, now coming back into style, and suddenly you pass back in time.

Personally I think it's a groovy feeling. Sort of tingly and floaty. It makes me feel warm, and calm, like I'm about to watch one of my favorite movies. You know, the ones that you save for days that you need a little self love and care, you pop it in your player and sit back, with a beverage in hand, snuggled in your favorite blanket (mine is a Winnie the Pooh fleece tie blanket my girls gave me long ago). You let the movie transport you somewhere else and forget about whatever the world has you in the middle of for the moment.

I find I get this feeling a lot when I'm sitting by the fire with my husband and we are sipping wine and listening to the 70's music channel. Although hubby is a bit older than I am, we realized that our past cosmic journeys had come together in the early 70's. We sing to the music, we reminisce about the times and places we were. And the crazy things we did, as we take our mutual trips down memory lane. It is a learning time for us. Since we came to be one late in our lives, we have much of our past that we don't know about. Funny, as we share, how the big picture comes together. My soul mate was quite the free spirit in his day. All in all though, he always had a respect for, and love of, family, honor, and integrity. The past supports the present and teaches us what is to become the future.

I guess I am now old enough to have a past to look back on. Sure we retain our memories from however far our minds can remember. There is always good and bad times that we reflect on. These times shape us and bring us to who we are today. But, I think there needs to be a certain time passage that happens before we really can appreciate how profound those memories can be. Memories can be pretty poignant and somewhat unsettling without the perspective of time passed to give it relevance. Sure, we have all done some dumb things in our youth and young adulthood, present company included. But, once we get a bit more seasoned in our journey, we can look back on these phases of moulting and know that they were just that. It is the sloughing off of one life as we transition on to another.

This is a good thing, let me explain...... I can't count the number of times and places this has occurred to me lately. I am at middle point in my journey to being fully seasoned. So much of life that was out of focus before, is in perfect clarity now. Sometimes I wondered about why that was. I used to look back on my life and at times, just cringe at the crazy, stupid, insensitive, downright rude things I did. I also think about the mall bangs, the tight clothes, the outlandish colors and styles that I once cherished......E gads!! Yes I really had my moments. But, what I have now found, is instead of cringing when I remember, I reflect. Why, because all of that silliness has brought me to the magnificence that I am now. Every garish color, every dumb dumb moment, and every forbidden embrace, contributed to who I am today.

Now, some of what I have done truly was a mistake. It hurt people I loved, and it stained me too. These are the memories that I would rather forget, they make my stomach turn just a bit. But, they are part of my whole. For the yin and the yang of it, they also have shaped me and brought me here. I now look upon them as unpleasant static noise in the harmonic music of my life. The static plays an important roll. It serves to remind me somatically what ingredients in my seasoning to leave out for the betterment of my life and my journey. So, they too have their place. I pass over those times and go on to the warm remembrances of past loves, past lives, and future dreams. These times in my past serve to remind me how wonderful and magical it is to be where I am today. I have learned oh so much........My soul mate and I have a bond so deep, something I never could imagine feeling. I believe that I wouldn't know how special this man is, had I not experienced some of the static that I had. He too has had his share; the healing and learning from that has born to us this life. I treasure my children and my life because I know there were times when I came close to loosing both. I treasure my friends and my acquaintances as now I know what true connections are. A knowledge realized by being in the company of those not well suited for who I was, only I didn't know “who I am” at that time.

Just this morning, I was listening to the 70's music channel, and my favorite song began to play, the song that helped me realize my husband was to be my soul mate, Wild Flower, by Skylark. It is one of those songs, you know the kind, that was written just for you. The kind that reaches deep down into your core and is written using your soul's words. I promised myself, after a very dark time in my life, that I would only love again if I could find a man who understood, organically, what that song meant to me. I did find him, or rather, he found me. He picked me up and turned me from what could have been a very destructive time in my life. I owe him more than words can ever say.

So, once again, as I pen this thread, I find myself stopping to remember. I feel that warmth sink into me as I smile and reminisce. I take joy in my past, I also have learned to put what was not so pleasant in it's rightful place, and to forgive my thoughtless mistaken ways. This is my journey to whole ness, to acceptance, and to the ultimate in self love. Memories are wonderful places we go to visit, to remind ourselves of who we were, and how far we have come, and what lays ahead. Embrace these journeys dear heart, don't run from them. Our past is ourselves, a process to becoming what we are and will be. We are seasoning to perfection, and these are the ingredients of making it happen. Settle into the comfort of these thoughts, rest into the journey of it all. Close your eyes and let your mind's eye replay your life reel. Take in a deep breath of contentment. Because, when you open your eyes again, you will be here, in the present. You will know how full your basket is and how far you have come..................and you will smile..........................the smile of knowing