"Nesting"

Nesting

I remember when I was in my third trimester of pregnancy. One morning I woke up and felt this low vibration that set into motion the urge to put everything in it's place. I was washing, and folding, and cleaning, and smiling!! I hummed baby tunes and danced my proud belly around my house. All the while, I was amused at the fact that I had been dragging my growing self around the day before, longing for a moment to sit and rest, only to feel light and free and energized today. Not long after that feeling of freedom and lightness descended upon me, I was blessed with the arrival of my reason for exhisting for the rest of my life.
Nature calls to us as female beings to prepare our space for the coming of this most wonderful blessing. It's primal and maternal and oh so strong. It gives us strength where we think there is none.

From this moment forward, we will continue to add and arrange our nest to best suit the needs of our growing brood. From this moment forward, we will answer that materal call to keep our children safe and warm in the nest that we have created for them. This place becomes the nest of nuture, of exploration, of wonder and realization.....This is a safe place to learn and grow. Our brood becomes bigger, our nest needs to grow with it. We need to grow with it. And, we do. We learn to become great architechs. We have been known to work with next to nothing for materials, except a mother's love. With, that, we build empires.
The time comes; our children, who have grown and thrived in the warmth of the nests we have built, will take that bold step out of our safety and into the world...........and away from us........Now what? We have spent one lifetime building, creating, nuturing, and dreaming. Now the object of all our maternal works has left us.
　
Empty nest.................that is what "they" call it......whomever "they" is. It's a quiet place, not quite as warm or as light as I recall. It echoes with giggles while making bubble bread, my voice reading a bed time story, a child calling in the night. Suddenly the lightness and freedom I felt during my anticipation of birth, has dissapeared and been replaced by the heaviness of a life now left behind.

My hubby was the one who first showed me that one nest emptied can be another nest full filled. Shortly after my oldest daughter followed her dream all the way to Alabama, I came home to the sound of destruction. I followed it into our bedroom to find that the wall between ours and my daughter's room was gone. He was building a nest for us. He knew I always wanted a canopy bed, and my hubby knows I love rustic decor. So he had created a nest for us with copper walls and rustic woodwork framing for bed and beyond.

From there I came to embrace my inner architect. And, it's been a wild ride ever since. It seems to me that I have designed many a palace for myself in our humble home. And, I too have changed the wallpaper and furniture of my soul many times since then. I realized that during my time being the head nest builder for my girls, I really didn't take much time to "decorate my own soul". Well now is my time!! And what fun I have had.

I think my brood be perplexed!! They come home from time to time to visit and they are amused to find how the nest has evolved. They are amused at how I have evolved. My home has been from country to ethereal and back. Colors of browns, and blues, to greys and reds. There are deer horns and oils, there are pictures of sentimental value and those of a thought provoking bent. I am finding that I receive great pleasure lining the walls of my nest with treasures of the past, of memories and meaning. I am not the slave to the fashion of it all.
　
I have learned to ride a motorcycle, belly dance, train a dog, ride a dog sled. I have dressed as a biker, a hippie, an eskimo. My greatest anticipation used to be sitting at a drop zone waiting for my husband to fall softly out of the sky under a bright canopy of color. Now it is curling up under the stars on our deck, with a glass of red wine in my hand, my hubby at my side, my dogs at my feet...and a mezmerizing fire in front of me. I have grown my hair, and cut my hair. I have become more womanly in my figure and given myself permission to say, "I am amazing just the way I am", fully knowing that "the way I am" is ever changing.
I heard my youngest daughter say to me one day, "Gee mom, what's it going to be tomorrow?". She was referring to the ever changing decor of my nest and my soul. I believe she was even a bit put off by it all. I found myself smiling. How fun it is to not be defined by one "thing" or another. I also found it amusing that I can confound my children in such a way. I can hear them talk between the two of them, "What is up with mom, she is acting really weird lately". Well thank you!! What a compliment.

I think though, that my morphing is slowing down. I believe that my soul has been sifting through my ethereal closet for a while now.......trying on the many hidden costumes stored in the mysterious trunks in my mind. Deep inside, I can tell that the tumblers of all the possible combinations are falling into the designated alignment. I find comfort in flowing clothing, soft music, a good book, candles, warm scents, blooming tea, sleeping dogs, my soulmate by my side.........It feels as if I have been sluffing off the skins of all that I can be, growing towards what is truly my soul's desire. Now I can see my center coming to light. It feels like freedom and lightness.....................Funny, I think I have felt something like this before.