It makes sense when the bird from the south flies home, the chickadee from just a couple miles north east of us comes home to the nest too. It's great to have both my girls together. This was a quick trip home by all, but it was enjoyable all the same.
We went out for dinner last night. We always have so much fun going out to dinner. We all sit around and gab about this and that, then pretty soon, the silliness starts and away we go, giggling and laughing, trying to keep it down so we don't disrupt all the proper folk taking their nourishment around us. We remember the dinners at The Cracker Barrel, Ponderosa, and oh my heaven's all those meals at Culvers. I swear we covered the whole spectrum of topics in that restaurant. Great memories.
So last night, things were decidedly different. Oh we still had a great time, still had loads of laughs, but something about the dynamic of all of this was very changed. I will try to explain.......I sense another long and winding road here I'm afraid..............
Now, you remember in my last story, I spoke of the magnet on my refrigerator, the one that says “Put away your dreams for your children, and help them with their own”? Well my youngest daughter (the chickadee from just north east of here) followed her dreams all the way to a Masters in Social Work (since I finished high school that that was that, I am in awe of my children's upper educations). During her achievement of this daunting task, she opened group homes, managed all manner of staff and residents, and graduated with a stellar grade point average. Her final presentation was a theory paper on treating trauma, focusing on people with developmental disabilities, using a variety of methods as it pertains to ones developmental level. Her theories and practices are in use state wide, and may go national. Talk about the realization of a dream. During her formative years, she had her struggles and was told often not to reach too high, least she be disappointed. I reminded her that knowledge is more than what happens in four walls, and that she can reach as far as her imagination will take her. She is amazing.........this world is so much better thanks to her and her passions. I went to an open house at one of her newly opened group homes. I looked around for a bit, and chatted with folks there. Being her mom that day was an honor. I was humbled to hear strangers tell me of the importance my daughter has in their lives. It was a profoundly proud moment for me, because of her.
To say both my daughters “know their stuff” is a gigantic understatement.
So, back to the dinner table. We sit down and get our drinks. I instantly feel as old as I ever have because, are you ready for it, NEITHER of my girls get carded!! I am the mother of two women who appear of drinking age and better. I have always felt a smug sense of youth every time we go out, someone always cards my girls. It makes ME feel young. I've been cheated!! The nerve of that waitress. She should know that my fragile ego required her to ask!! Her tip will be seriously affected by this I tell you!!
Anyway, I get over it (sort of.......geez!!) and we start to chat, lots of fun topics are tossed about. Then my two girls find some common ground. They discuss professional philosophy and ethics. They chat about the difference facets of their respective career choices. All I can do is sit dumb founded at the intelligence of the conversation that is revolving around me.
Who are these two and where did they get this stuff? When did they grow up to become these extremely competent human beings? I can't even join in the conversation as I have nothing to add. Their topics are so above me. I do enjoy learning from them though. Funny how the tables have turned, we used to sit around the table and they would ask me questions about the meaning of life and love and I would expound my theories to them. After all, I am the mom, the all knowing........Look at me now, I can't even formulate an intelligent enough question to join in the chat my daughters are having. This isn't a bad thing. This blows my mind...............
As I sit in between the two of them, my eyes swinging back and forth between them, a saying I once heard came to mind. Loosely quoted, “Your children are not yours, they are given to you by God to borrow only for a little while”. As much as we like to take credit for the paths our children walk, that path was set forth long before we meet them on that special day and hold them in our arms. The Good Lord above needs us to take care of them and raise them to the best of our ability until they are ready to put their feet on the path that was pre-ordained especially for them. That is the only theory to this mom that makes sense. I raised them to the best of my ability, which at times was lack luster at best. If their present state was in direct correlation to my clumsy mothering, they definitely wouldn't be in this life as they are now. There must be a higher power who knows so much more and plants that magic seed of the dream. We water and cultivate this seed with support, understanding, compassion and praise. Our harvest is the profound pride we feel when we watch our children walk the path that is truly theirs.
Now it is pretty clear that these children, my children, are on their paths, they are still “mine” in one sense, but they are their own now, by their right and earning. I will always be there for them, cheering them on and supporting whatever dreams they choose. They will always be there for me, supporting me in my dreams. Even though, they have to admit most times, my dreams are just plain weird to them. But, they remember that I have been their dream champion, so they smile, and shake their heads I'm sure, but they cheer me on too.
Now they are starting to giggle about some crazy comment or other, and I am brought out of the cloud of my musings and transported back in time to Culvers for a moment, me and my girls, shushing each other, trying our best at decorum and failing miserably. I smile, these dinner talks are becoming fewer and further between, but are so very special when we are all together; chatting, learning, puzzling, and just plain being goofy.
When the brood comes home, it's a mixture of happy and sad, busy ness and exhaustion, sharing and caring. But, it's a time that I look forward to more than I could ever put into words, and when it's over, it's a feeling so painful that I can barely stand to feel it. Then the news comes one day, “We're coming home!!”. And the excitement is there again, having forgot, temporarily anyway, the pain. Is this the same emotional phenomenon that allows us to propagate our human race? We visit the doctor one day and hear those wonderful words, “You will be bringing a little one home”. When the day comes, the pain can't quite be put into words and we swear as we are in the throws of it, that we will NEVER do this again. Then some time down the road, we are bringing another little one home. The excitement is there again, the pain is forgotten, again. It makes sense to me.
The beginning...........is just............the beginning.
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